Fearing you loving me

I find myself afraid of what all of this means. You actually caring, you protecting me. Afraid of what I will have to do, though I know that you would never have me do anything that I didn't want to. ANd that goes for anything, I know that.
Afraid of loving a friend as I remember how that went last time, what happens when you get to attached to friends.
Afraid of you loving me, because that means that I should love myself. That others may like this thing that I was told for so long was vile and to be loathed.
Fearing my life.
Fearing my nights.
My dreams.
My waking.
The brite spot thats there when I wake up,that thought of you, might fade away. Then what do I wake up for?