bullet with butterfly wings

At times I am enchanted
and others I'm terrified
of what all of this means
of what I can do
how far I can go with this
and for how long
 
And the sad part is;
is that it really has very little to do with you
although it seems I am attacking you
and what you do, or don't
it's not really about that at all
its about him
and her
and all the things that come along with that
 
God knows how scared I am
but if he ever existed he would also see
just how willing I am to try and work through this.
or rather, all of that.
 
I don't want to run away from this
then look back and see what I  gave up
what I would miss out on
what I would loose
having run from myself
 
I can face it now
look it down and move on
the only nagging thing is that;
I thought I had already done that
I thought I was ready to move forward now
 
I wan to know that I'm not alone here
and if I'm the only one feeling this way
because we both have out baggage...
 
But I do feel alone
your silence to my pleas
is very cold comfort indeed.